Finding Love-Losing Love-Healing a Broken Heart-Moving On-Finding True Love
Love is the most beautiful experience two human beings can share. Love is healing and growing. Love comforts and reassures. Love restores and blesses. Love brings joy and laughter. Love creates something out of nothing. Love protects and nurtures. Love challenges and provokes. Love forgives and forgets. Love touches and caresses. Love starts as two and becomes one.
Being in love and being loved is blissful, we think about our other constantly, we want to be with them all the time, we care desperately about what they think about every tiny thing that affects our lives. We have found the other and we are ecstatically happy.
Real and lasting love takes time to develop and grow. Think of a seed that grows a beautiful flower. The seed is dry and hard and needs water and a safe place to grow. If it is planted in good soil, (and that is an open heart), and if it is fed and watered, (that is kind words and deeds that are expressed between the two people as they begin to open up their hearts and lives to one another), if the seed is allowed and encouraged to sprout into a seedling plant it still needs protection from the elements – to a plant this can be weather such as sudden frosts, (a new relationship has to be protected from, criticism and judgment of others outside the relationship, new love is very delicate and needs to be nourished in an environment conducive to growth).
Trust has to be shown, honesty must be expressed. Promises spoken have to be kept. There are a lot of variables as the new love relationship begins to bud into life. With love and patience and consideration of the other the love will grow and become stronger and eventually others outside the relationship will see and acknowledge that a strong bond of love has been formed between the two lovers. The plant has blossomed and responded to the care that was shown in tending to its needs.
Love takes work and sometimes the lovers are unwilling to do the work to keep the relationship growing. Some people are just in love with the idea of love and not willing to work from infatuation and desire to mature love. Sadly, some relationships that start out very lovingly and with great hopes for the future do not last. The cause of the loss of love can be varied. Perhaps our partner dies, or finds another, (some people are never content with what they have or who they have), sometimes without putting in the effort necessary their love of us or our love for them dissipates like the morning dew on the grass when the sun comes out and dries it up. No more dew no more love. Okay so now we have to heal and forgive and move on to new and hopefully deeper more mature and healthy love relationships.
When relationships end there is pain involved for both parties, it does not matter who decided to end things – pain is inevitable when we separate from loved ones. We have opened up our most vulnerable part to another, our hearts. Love is real and the pain of lost love is real and can be excruciating but there are steps we can take to help in the healing process. There will be emotional work that needs to be done in order for us to be healed and restored and able to move on into healthy love relations. We have to be willing to do the work of letting go and grieving for our hopes and dreams for the broken relationship. If not we carry that grief with us as we try to move forward. Trying to move with heavy chains from the past weighing us down is not pretty, pleasant or productive.
HEALING A BROKEN HEART:
Grieving for a lost love is healthy and also necessary. It is good to grieve and get the emotions out of our hearts, minds and bodies. Crying can help release pent up emotions. Exercise is amazing for clearing the mind and releasing toxins from our bodies. Journaling is a great way to find clarity and resolution, writing thoughts and feelings out can help our minds let go of any unresolved issues we may be struggling with. Seeing things in print can help to bring understanding to the situation we are facing. Sharing with friends who listen and offer comforting words also bring healing. Healing hearts takes a while but we will become stronger in our broken places when we have done the necessary healing work.
Deciding to forgive –
We have to forgive ourselves and the other person for any situations that caused us pain in the loss of the relationship. We cannot blame the other person or ourselves that sometimes relationships do not work. Blame is without grace, mercy or love so we have to move into forgiveness.
Forgiveness involves letting go of any animosity we have towards another person. It sets us free when we decide to set others free. When we truly forgive we then experience acceptance which helps us to let go and that sets us free to really move on.
Giving it time –
Sometimes well intentioned people want us to be healthy and healed immediately. They are not practicing kindness towards us if they are trying to force our grieving process. Realistically it takes time to heal from any loss and there is no set time for any particular loss. Grieving takes as long as it takes. Time heals almost everything, give time, time…
‘The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.’
– Henri Nouwen
“When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.”
– Henri Nouwen
We are never alone –
Remember that God cares about everything that affects our lives and He especially cares about our hearts. When we are suffering from a broken heart He is there to offer comfort and consolation. When we are feeling alone and desperately sad we have the comfort of the living Word of God to lift us up as we walk through the pain back into the land of healing and wholeness.
Some people come into our lives just so we can learn what we do not need and when we truly let those people go, we make room for the people who will bring love, encouragement, joy, happiness and companionship into our lives.
Ask God to show you clearly who is a forever friend and true love and who is just passing through and He will. Love is waiting for you now all you have to do is open the door of your heart and invite love in and remember you are never alone in your life you are always accompanied by Jesus Christ who is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) and His love for you is all encompassing and eternal, it never changes!!!
He will not leave your nor forsake you, He is with you until the end of the age. (forever and ever) So no matter if another person in their humanity is unable to see what a wonderful and amazing person that you are, God sees you and He is bringing into your life a person with the clear vision to see you as the wonderful and beautiful love filled gift that you truly are.
You are a gift to the world and all who meet you and know you, are touched by your life, keep on believing and before you know it you will be receiving all that God has promised you.HELP FOR MOVING THROUGH:
The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelations 21:4
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:7
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. John 14:13
Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him by My Father in Heaven.’ Mark 11:23
A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. …Psalm 23:1-6
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. You can trust Him. He does not disappoint.
Marion Sinclair-Simpson (C)